It's strange, how I keep checking in here. Maybe I'm just hoping for something that can't happen, but I miss these days.

HA

I have oft visited here to see if anyone has taken it upon themselve to update, or revive this old beauty. So apparently it is untrue. It is false. We are all liars. So now, I am able to laugh.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Farewell, my beauty. Rest in all the peace you can muster.

it has been long since an entry was written on this site. it has been long since any thoughts were placed delicatly but trustingly into words on this page. with elegant notations and notions of what we do what should happen and what will, birth was given and life was made. crucial memory and memories of us. and now we fade into the depths of the business that is our life. well. it appears that

I stand alone

sure. say you are fascinated by lore we have created but now cremated. make claims of no and maybe and possible but never follow through. i am pushing for this to push through, so push through. like all children, we must crawl at first. but like all children, we learn to walk and run and skip and jump. and our crawling grows tiresome. And mine eyes being the only eyes that search this page in hope that someone will breathe life into it again grow weary and i must do the upbringing once more. so if i am the only one, so be it.

I was talking with someone about how they place the apples and bananas at a table during our lunch, and they our surrounded by chocolate cookies and cake and sugary icing. And instead of taking the extra step to reach for the fruits, I lean towards the sugary subtances that are mountainous compared to a measly basket of fruit. compare to this. we are the apples and bananas, so reach past the cake and get what is good for you, better for you. or am i the only one here?

i know, silly analogy. what does it take, guys? what the hell does it take for you to take time and make some cookies with it?

we are all in this together, non? J'taime, mon aimes. i love you. Te amo. J'tadore.

there's a pause in the curtains, a wandering of phsycotic movements through tall rush grass. lushly, a hurried sweep is brought over.

i held coins in my palms today. i held them so that the end of them, the side dug into the center of my palm. i squeezed them hard so i could feel it so i knew i could feel everything. with lack of a quarter i dug my finger nails into my other palm and promptly bit them off afterwards.

i held someones hand today. no more than 4 but desperate all the same. when i was telling them about how my mom doesn't pack my lunch they replied increduously "YOU have a MOM?" i didn't cry today over a boy missing his brother. who he's not allowed to see because his parents split.

i got home and stuck my hand in the flour jar. grabbed a fistful and walked outside. my hands have sensory issues because they miss touch. i held that flour so tight and when i opened my fist there was an oval of flour in my hand with little creases where my fingers had been. i threw the flour over the yard and looked at my hand. it was white and pasty. it reminded me of a new born child, white and pasty. i laughed. my laugh broke into a thousand pieces and fell down my cheeks. liquid silver on the brick. and i don't have to love someone becuase you tell me to. my puppet arms have disentangled themselves and were yours to work before but now they're mine. and i'm trying to get the feeling back in my hands but quarters and flour won't suffice.

~bear

these psychedelic masterpieces whisper to me as a more ancient metaphor wanders searching for soft deep fiery passion in its wildly empty soul and all i can do is entertain the harmony of this shimmering cigarette-smoke canvas of songs and ink and shards of broken laughter



----

I may be the most recent addition to the scattered group, but i refuse to see something kate put so much heart into die that easily. When is the last time you heard of an ambulance arriving and immediately putting the patient in a body bag? Or do we all just have such intense ADD that we stopped the ambulance halfway and got ice-cream? Fine, but I don't do surrenders. I own no white flags and I don't plan on requiring any now. So, either someone learns CPR or Kate calls me and we bug all of you until you care.

Also, David needs to call me or I will hunt him down.

~Fira

I hereby proclaim this page to be formaly and utterly

dead

until someone other than me updates. sayonara.

Does NO ONE care anymore? DOES NO ONE REALIZE????

The Freezer Queens are falling apart.

it's almost as if this page is simply a playground for the bored, which it shouldn't be. At least eight months ago, Train (or i might as well call her Chessie, the way things seem to be going) and i sat down and were writing nonsense when I pondered the name "freezer queens" with her. we agreed to start a band, but a miscellaneous band, with no instruments, just voices. we would write magnificent songs, starting with Minimal Beach. This is falling apart at the seams, my friends. we have woven something so spectacular only to have it crumble the moment we delve into something else. i am not asking this to be your life, i am only asking for a little appreciation and respect for this page, this being, this image we have so thoughtfully created. we just keep inviting more and more people to be in this only to have them post there name and a few thoughtfully reminiscent words about themselves and then leave. that's all.

IF YOU WANT TO BE A FREEZER QUEEN YOU HAVE TO DO YOUR PART!

who started this page? chessie. who invited people? chessie and myself. who started the photoshoot? me. let's think, folks. take a little initiative because i don't want to be the only one who cares. i feel like i'm protesting pollution, and that is pretty much what i am doing. i wanted to have another photoshoot, but is it always going to be up to me to send out invitations and organize things? no one commments, hardly anyone participates. if you don't want to be here, leave.

we say this is not a one man band, but sure feels like i'm the only one to me.

~Bear

i was talking with Ghost Poo today and came up with a fabulous idea. now i know we aren't the Refridgerator Queens, but same concept. so now, everyone has to write a list of what's in their "emotional metaphorical freezer/refridgerator". here's mine:

IN MY REFRIDGERATOR:

-some frozen hatreds that haven't been used in a while, might be going bad

-a can of love yet to be opened, haven't found the can opener **it's gotta be around here somewhere**

-a ziplock baggie of lust - easily opened

-my jug of happiness has spilled all over my top shelf

-approx. 12 zucchini and 16 broccoli that have grown moldy with depression

-bottom shelf, left hand drawer holds somegrassbetweentoes and fabulousaftertastes

-tried first kiss but spat it out knowing those things grow better with age

-chocolate, just for guilty pleasures

-fresh tears on the door in a jam jar made of glass. unfortunatly no top could be found.

-open carefully, the laughter usually falls out when you open the door

-childishness is tucked in the bottom for special use, i.e. most of the time

-my freezer is stocked with frozen peas of memories (rhyme!)

~Bear